I Want to Be Human Again
My wife wants a treadmill desk…
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I envy you. When you have four children, time is always of the essence.
A treadmill desk is exactly how it sounds. The bottom of the machine is your typical treadmill. However, instead of having your normal screen and handlebars on top, there is a small office desk where you can work while walking. I might actually be inclined to get one only to see if she can run while typing. If you ask her why she wants a treadmill desk, the answer is simple: to get more done in less time. Which again, when you’re a mother of four working full-time while trying to enjoy a nice glass of wine and a show, or just be able to go to the bathroom without a kid knocking on the door, it makes sense.
Life looks different for all of us, but I think we can agree that we are all fighting for time. Or maybe more importantly, we are fighting to pay attention. I’m trying to focus but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to do so with everything that’s being thrown my way. When I’m at home, I’m thinking about work. When I’m at work, I’m thinking about home. When I’m at the grocery store, I’m thinking about the checkout line. When I’m in the car driving under the LA lights , I’m thinking about my dreams, goals, life, and the endless list of what I’m supposed to achieve. And I haven’t even touched the surface of social media yet.
We’re at coffee with someone, but we’re texting someone else…
We’re at the dinner table with our family, but we have one last email…
We’re in a conversation with a spouse or friend, but we’re watching TV at the same time…
We’re sitting down with a co-worker, but checking the news alerts as they flood in…
I love how Drake says it: “I know a girl whose one goal was to visit Rome / Then she finally got to Rome / And all she did was post pictures for people at home.”
The point is, our attention is being requested. Actually, that’s too nice. It’s being demanded. Like a hotel guest ringing the bell at the front desk, the ping is constant. Answer me. Respond to me. I need a quicker response. Validate. Purchase. Confirm. Circle back. One more swipe. Let me know. Just checking in…
It’s never ceasing. So… where does God fit into all of this?
For the past three weeks as a church, we’ve been fasting. Fasting is denying our bodies of food (or certain foods) for an allotted amount of time to intentionally pray and spend time with God. What do you do when you want to hone in? You remove items from your life so you can focus. You’d normally do this to prepare for something big like a presentation to the board, a big game or recital, or even to watch a movie (I’m a big believer that you cannot talk during a movie).
Our culture tells us that retreat is failure, that it isn’t an option. That you buckle down, pull up the boot straps, and that you fight to the death. But there is health in retreat. I heard someone say recently that retreat is necessary to kill the monster that’s trying to eat you.
Wait, there’s a monster trying to eat me? Stay with me…
The simplest answer is, yes. Whether it be sin, such as pride or unforgiveness, or an idol, trust structures we’ve placed in our life that we elevate over God. It could be external forces like social media, news, television, or career. It could even be a device. Ask yourself: how much time do I give to these things versus God? If you’re like me, I think you’ll find the results staggering.
In moderation, social media or TV can be good (I love a great show like anyone else). But these things can remove our humanity from us. A humanity that God has placed in us in order to be in relationship with Him and His people. A humanity that craves Him. A soul that craves God. It was divinely designed by Him. I need it. He doesn’t - but He desires it. It’s what makes us human. We are created in His image, formed by His hands, created to partner with Him. We are dust - jars of clay, but we are His workmanship and the works of His hands. We are children of the most high God. I love how John Piper puts it: “The heart of [fasting] is the longing [for God].”
Wayne Muller says it like this: “A successful life has become a violent enterprise.” So what can we do to reset? To realign? Enter fasting…
Fasting realigns our bodies to our truest nature: to be wholly and utterly dependent on our creator. Fasting detoxes my body from the cravings of my flesh. It reveals what I’ve used to fill the voids in my heart that God is supposed to fill. John Mark Comer says, “Fasting is praying with the body.” That’s it right there - we are aligning our entire being with God and intentionally spending time with Him.
My uncle has been restoring cars for as long as I can remember. Not just cars, but motorcycles, military vehicles, and he even turned an old school bus into a motorhome. As I watched him restore cars, there were things he discarded, but he never threw the entire thing away. The old parts, seats, or carpet were thrown away and restored with something new and fresh. By the end, the whole thing was beautiful.
Fasting is not the death of self; it’s our resurrection toward our intended created form. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT), the Bible says “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” Fasting restores and revitalizes our spirit and bodies. It restores our heart and mind. Through fasting, God throws away the broken and battered parts of us and restores it back to its intended condition. Fasting reveals sin areas in my life before God begins speaking. It reveals all the other gods in my life that I’ve put before the one true God. Fasting breaks our will, and when our will is broken, we’re ready to listen.
It strips us back because we are most attentive when what we love most (our trust structures and habits) are all gone. Personally, God begins speaking to me for the next year in November or December of the previous year. Then, we fast and pray in January. I get some vision and direction in that time, but it doesn’t actually make sense until September or October… and then in November or December we start all over again.
I think He works this way because I’m so stubborn, and it takes those months of breaking down before I’m ready to listen to God.
Fasting reinforces our humanity. It reminds and encourages us that we are human. That God is God. Fully in control. Fully in our lives. Fully sustaining us. 2 Peter 3:18 (NET) says, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
What does it mean to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus? As God’s children, we understand His grace more in fasting than any other time or through any other discipline. Not just because of His sustenance, but because of what is revealed in my heart during these times.
Have you ever had a moment where you’re saying something, and as you’re saying it, you realize you’re going to regret saying it? When I fast, I have this moment of realization while God reveals things that have already been in my heart and I’m like, “Dang! That’s crazy! I can’t believe that’s in there!” (in my Aziz Ansari voice)... But then I’m reminded to look at what God has done in and through my life even while my heart was cluttered. How could God continue to sustain and watch over me and use me despite it all? The answer: His grace.
He doesn’t reveal these things to condemn, but rather the opposite. He sets me up for my next stage of life and calling. To be able to walk in it, I can’t have those things in my life any longer. If you’re praying for your calline during fasting, just know that it isn’t ever achieved. It’s built out in stages, and we simply walk into the next phase of it season by season. We’ve never arrived, and we’ll never arrive. We’re always growing while on this side of heaven.
Don’t buy a treadmill desk. Don’t reach for another Celsius to make it through the day. Don’t look at your email at the dinner table. Spend time with God. Read Matthew 11:28-30 slowly. Then read it slower. Then read it again as slowly as possible. Let your spirit and body receive it. I want to be human. I want to be in relationship with God. I want to feel and experience His presence. As John Mark Comer writes: “I want the life, but don’t want to adopt the lifestyle.” I want to focus, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to do so…
Our 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting is almost over. But there’s no reason you shouldn’t incorporate fasting into your lifestyle. It is a discipline that we can lean into throughout our whole year, not just in January. When you feel your heart getting cluttered again, when the voice of God seems distant in your life, when the distractions threaten to become your main focus…you’ll know what to do.
So, let’s fast…